Hello! I must start this entry with an apology for not posting one of these last week, despite promising that they would be weekly. However, I am currently making a conscious effort to be less of a perfectionist, so if I miss a week, so what? I shouldn’t care, since I’m almost certain none of my lovely readers will either, if I have any that is. Hello? 

Quick Fire Round 

I’m going to start this week with some quick bullet points to warm you up: 

• I’ve started using Ecosia for my internet browser and search engine, moving away from Google Chrome. It’s the same user interface, but Ecosia use their profits to plant trees and build solar panels – my own individual impact might be minimal, but imagine if we all did it! 
• I think we should ban Podcasts. There are too many of them, and I have no idea how I am supposed to choose which one I should listen to on my dog walk. I’ve therefore decided that from now on, I am going to listen to nothing – we don’t spend enough time alone with our thoughts nowadays anyway. 
• The furore about Plan 2 student loans is long overdue. The interest rates charged are completely immoral, as is Rachel Reeves’ decision to freeze the repayment threshold, and the Government should reform the system as a whole as a priority. Besides, what would one more u-turn be to Sir Beer? He seems to actively enjoy them at this point.
• I have realised that reading the news on my iPad is completely shit compared to reading a newspaper, and it genuinely depresses me that it’s now the only affordable way to access the news – a physical copy of The Times is now £3.20! There is little that brings me more pleasure than reading an actual newspaper in the morning with a coffee, and I hope one day to have enough money to make it a habit. 

Algorithmic Heartbreak 

As I continue to venture out into the world of dating, I can’t help but feel disheartened that even the process of finding love, a process during which you apparently might even find yourself, has been ruined by the relentless algorithmic facism of American tech companies. I first discovered the extent to which the tentacles of big tech extended to the dating world in a piece in The Guardian a few years ago, and although I have since read into it further and learnt much more about how bad it really is, the original piece that piqued my interest still sums it up best: 

“[There’s a theory that] the apps are geared not towards matching people, but to keep them on platforms. The algorithm, based on what we can tell from the outside in, is actually sending you false matches, and not delivering the ones you might actually truly be a match [with]”.

This could be for two reasons, the source concluded. “To keep you on the platform”, but also, “breaking down the [users] in terms of sending them matches that make no sense on any level, such that they think that they’re the problem and such that they’re going to be incentivised to continue by escalating subscription costs, and do anything because they are made to feel like they can’t find a match.”

I am aware that my new weekly blog is quickly descending into doomsday levels of outcry at the enshittification of modern life, but it’s hard to avoid the feeling that we are being robbed of the things that are supposed to make our lives unique and exciting. There are other things that limit dating opportunities these days of course, especially the fact that young people don’t go out as much anymore – in a study by the Night Time Industries Association last year, 68% of 18-30 year olds reported that the current economic climate had reduced how much they go out, and I myself have written extensively about how I very rarely go out to bars or clubs anymore. 

However, since I live in the arse end of the Midlands, clubbing is essentially the only way to meet someone other than dating apps, so I guess the inevitable conclusion is that I will be alone forever. Fantastic! 

Self-Serve Kiosks 

I have decided to add self-serve kiosks to the list of things I despise with a burning passion. I saw a piece somewhere the other day (I can’t remember where) that discussed the introduction of the dastardly kiosks at Subway, and it actually made me angry. As the piece correctly pointed out, the whole point of a Subway is to go along the line with an employee who looks unwashed and clinically depressed, trying not to feel unnerved as they stare at you soullessly as you pick your bread, fillings and salads, before you say “oh, go on then” when they unenthusiastically ask if you want a drink and a cookie too, pretending the cookie wasn’t the whole reason you decided to have a Subway in the first place. 

Obviously I’m being facetious here, and I am sure that most Subway employees are lovely, but although this might seem only mildly annoying, and definitely a first-world problem, I think it actually goes to the heart of a much bigger problem, which is the way technology is slowly but surely removing our need to interact with other humans. The way in which you order a sandwich or grab a coffee might not seem important, but currently, it forces you to speak to another person, and sometimes those interactions can be important – as cheesy as it is, I always come away with a grin if I interact with a friendly barista, and I feel good after saying “have a nice day!”, as if I have blessed them with good wishes. 

There’s actually bounds of research out there that backs this up, and it fits in nicely with the concept of ‘weak ties’, which describes the connections and interactions we have with those that we don’t really know, but occasionally interact with, such as baristas, work colleagues, the receptionist at your gym, and so on and so forth. Although, if you take them separately, these interactions might seem insignificant, they actually build up to provide a sense of belonging and meaning. What is going to happen if we lose that?

I Quite Literally Do Not Care

With the relentlessness of the 24/7 news cycle and social media, it can sometimes feel like we have a duty not only to be aware of absolutely everything that is happening at all times, but also to have a strong, evidence-based opinions on all of it that fits in with the wider world view we’re also apparently expected to have. 

I was therefore grateful that James Marriott, my favourite newspaper columnist, whose book, as an aside, I am extremely excited for (it’s released in May), summed up my thinking in his latest column for The Times better than I ever could, as per usual. His premise, essentially, is that we are arguably living through the most uncertain period in known history, and it is therefore OK to be unsure as to what your opinion should be on every single issue of the day: 

Dogmatism is a luxury of easy times. We can all strike impressive attitudes when there’s nothing at stake. It’s why so many university students are Leninists. And I suspect it explains the vein of radicalism often encountered among comfortable pensioners — both the motorway-blocking eco-warrior and the radical nationalist variety.

This is not to counsel a bewildered shrug in the face of a dangerous world or to recommend that we all, like some scandal-hit corporation, go into “listening mode” and refuse to act. Take a stand, of course. But we might pause before digging in too deep. After all there is not exactly an undersupply of conviction in the world. In navigating a strange future we will all benefit from a readiness to doubt ourselves. If I’m convinced of anything at all it’s that anyone who thinks they have the answers is selling snake oil.

It is ok to turn the news off! It is ok to not have an opinion! It is ok to be aghast at the wars raging across the globe without having any idea as to how we should stop them! There is a fine line to tread between doubt and ignorance, and I still believe that we should all have at least a basic understanding of current affairs, but that doesn’t mean we have to make it our whole lives. Life is still there to be lived, regardless of the state of global politics!

I can’t overcome my lust no matter how hard I try

I read a piece of this title on Substack by Omar F. Najjarine a few days ago and I found it absolutely fascinating, and related to it quite a lot. The premise of the piece is that we are too quick to engage in low pleasures rather than higher pleasures, and although Najjarine focuses mainly on sex and porn, the principles apply across all sorts of activities, such as doomscrolling, binge eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, and so on: 

When higher pleasures are absent from a person’s life, lower pleasures swell to fill the vacuum. People obsess over sex or money or fame when life lacks a compelling “yes.” Nobody has ever denied their vital energies and went quietly and peacefully into the night. That energy will resurface somewhere. Wanting to feel alive will come out in the form of binging entertainment, in extreme promiscuity, in excessive eating, in chronically staying up late for no reason, in seeking out the next drink, the next hook-up, the next purchase.

Najjarine argues, correctly in my opinion, that if we don’t have a fundamental purpose, a reason for living that excites and motivates us, we will let ourselves become slaves to the easiest forms of pleasure that we can find, even though we know these pleasures are damaging: 

The mind requires a certain interior stillness to operate at its highest level. The problem with lust, like all compulsions, is that it doesn’t terminate once it’s satisfied, it continues to agitate. It continues whispering to you. Something to always remember — the line between a healthy pleasure and a compulsion is that one refreshes and restores you, the other scatters and dulls you. Ask yourself: after I’ve indulged in this pleasure, are my higher motivations weakened? When I return to my life, do I still feel the siren song of that pleasure? Does it still tug on me? Harass me?

I feel this to be completely true – it was only when I gave myself a reason to live that I was able to challenge my bad habits, of which there were plenty. How many people go through life just coasting, surviving, consuming endless low pleasures just to get themselves through the day? How many people, if they were to really consider it, would be happy with the way they live – eating shit food, wasting money on needless purchases, and spending five hours a day scrolling TikTok? We must wrestle free from the emptiness of late-stage capitalism and find a purpose that gets us excited to get out of bed in the morning: 

People “can’t” stop scrolling because they don’t have a strong enough reason to cultivate an ultra-sharp, ultra-focused attention span. They’re not trying to write the next great novel, direct the next great film, or lead a great new political movement. Or even just be a person who wants to think more clearly and carefully. The same applies to porn addiction, junk eating, etc. You don’t have a strong enough reason to be free from those dopamine traps, to use yourself in the way you want to.

No matter how you spin it, part of you has accepted mediocrity. And that’s a tragedy: because there is work that you, and only you, can bring into this world. There is an excellence in you that remains offline.

On that cheerful note, I shall leave you be – until next week!