Friday 10th October 2025, 15.10
I find myself sitting on a bench in the Imperial Square Gardens of Cheltenham, just next to the Town Hall, reading a copy of Bob Mortimer’s latest novel, The Long Shoe (which was released just yesterday), and drinking a black coffee. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Town Hall quite so majestic as Cheltenham’s – frankly, it makes Swadlincote Town Hall look like a homeless shelter.
I’m here for The Cheltenham Literature Festival, sponsored by The Times & The Sunday Times, and I am having the time of my life (pun intended). I cannot even begin to describe how awe inspiring it is – earlier on (it would have been around half past one perhaps), I saw a woman sitting outside of a bistro on the high street, she was mid 50’s at a guess and wearing a crisp white business suit, with a glass of white wine, a copy of The Times, and a cigarette betwixt her fingers. I almost asked her to adopt me on the spot.
I attended a talk this morning with the author Lucy Ash, in discussion with former BBC Foreign Correspondent Bridget Kendall, on Power and Faith in Russia, inspired by her upcoming book, The Baton and The Cross. It was extremely interesting and insightful, with reflections ranging from the reign of Ivan the Terrible through to Putin’s war in Ukraine, although if I’m being entirely honest, my favourite part was when my question was selected first during the Q&A at the end. There’s a serene sense of smugness one can revel in when a former BBC Foreign Correspondent recognises the intelligence of your question.
I’m off shortly to a talk on Britain and Europe: Past, Present and Future, with the editor of the New Statesman, Tom McTague (one of my all-time favourite journalists), and the author & barrister Marina Wheeler, who happens to be the ex-wife of Mr Boris Johnson (although as a good feminist, I obviously judge her based on her own work). I’m very much looking forward to it.
I should add that I’ve somehow persuaded Carl to come with me for the weekend. Although he won’t admit it, this kind of thing is essentially his worst nightmare, so I think it’s awfully sweet that he agreed to come along. He’s even coming along to a talk with me later on The Power of ParkRun, where the founder of ParkRun, Paul Sinton-Hewitt (oh I do love a double-barrelled surname), will be talking about how he came up with the idea and how it became the juggernaut it is today. Carl and I thoroughly enjoy our ParkRuns (admittedly, they’re usually ParkWalks) on a Saturday morning at Rosliston Forestry Centre, so I’m hoping this will be at least one talk he’ll enjoy whilst we’re here.
The festival village itself is magnificent. Free copies of The Times are provided daily, which is not to be dismissed considering its £3.20 a copy nowadays, and there are wine bars, food stands, and even a pop-up Waterstones shop, which stocks every single book that will be the subject of a talk throughout the ten days of the festival. Almost everyone you see is holding either a newspaper or a book, or both, and there are so many people sitting reading that you’d think it was still in fashion. If you had to design my idea of heaven, it really wouldn’t be far off.
Carl has gone off to check-in to our hotel whilst I head off to enjoy my next talk. We’re staying at the Cheltenham Chase Hotel & Spa, a 4* (I never, ever do less than 4*) hotel which, unfortunately, is about a 15 minute drive from the centre of town, although that’s a small price to pay in the pursuit of luxury. I’ve agreed that we can go to Wetherspoons later, after the ParkRun talk, for a few drinks and some small plates, which should be fun, and should also serve as proof that the weekend isn’t entirely about me – I believe Wetherspoons is one of Carl’s favourite hobbies, so there really is something for everyone this weekend.
Must dash, speak soon. H x
Friday 10th October 2025, 17.15
Oh how I simply adore being British. The talk by Tom and Marina was fascinating, and I decided to ask Tom to sign a copy of his book afterwards (there was an official book signing, for the record – I didn’t just approach him like a stalker). Tom and Marina both sat on the same table, and as I was chatting to Tom, I heard the woman next to me explain to Marina that her ex-husband was “a filthy liar that betrayed the British people, and that £350 million on the side of the bus was a disgrace”.
Sweetheart – I think she probably knows this. Perhaps he’s her ex-husband for a reason?
Right, I’m off to find Carl. I wonder what he thinks about Boris. Chow. H x
Saturday 11th October 2025, 13.15
I can’t seem to get away from Marina Wheeler! I’ve just been at the Town Hall to see Lord Finkelstein interview Lord Sumption, which was utterly riveting, so I thought I’d grab a copy of both of their books and get them signed whilst I was there, but who was behind me in the queue for the signing? Ms Wheeler! I felt utterly starstruck – I almost attempted to start small talk with her, but I literally couldn’t think of anything to ask that didn’t involve her buffoon of an ex-husband. Poor woman.
Back to the first talk of the day – Sumption is a former judge on the British Supreme Court, and in his talk he went through the current state of global democracy and the rise of authoritarianism – unsurprisingly, President Trump featured quite heavily. It was genuinely fascinating, and a real pleasure to listen to someone whose intellectualism can almost match my own.
I’m sitting in the Imperial Square Gardens again now, with a black coffee and my Mortimer book. It’s an absolutely glorious people-watching spot, with couples wandering around merrily, people sitting on benches chatting, friends drinking at the outdoor bar and laughing together. It’s making me happy just to be here, surrounded by so many people having such a nice tim, although I’m desperately trying to remain in the moment and not think about the fact that Derby is such a complete shit hole.
It’s only an hour or so until my next event, The Times Debate: Making Britain Great Again, at which the guest of honour is Sir Jeremy Hunt, so I’ll probably just read for a bit until then. I’m extremely excited – I quite like Hunt, and I often wonder where we’d be as a country if he’d won the Tory leadership in 2019. If I had to guess, I’d say probably not quite as fucked as we are now.
The talk with the founder of ParkRun last night was really interesting, and I genuinely found myself a bit emotional as he discussed how running has helped him with his own mental health issues. I think ParkRun is such a fundamentally fantastic idea, bringing communities together in the name of health & wellbeing, but I also think we take things like that for granted, which we really shouldn’t.
In true adherence to the principles of ParkRun, Carl and I headed to Spoons when it had finished, as I had promised. I had some chicken bites and ordered a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, whilst Carl ordered a burger and two pitchers of Sex on the Beach – I sometimes feel as though he is ruthlessly determined to deny me my dream of joining the Middle Class. Surprisingly, after a couple of drinks, we simultaneously agreed that we were tired and ready to go home, so we were back at the hotel room and in bed by 10.30, watching GoggleBox. Is this what being 26 is like?
After a fantastic sleep (the bed in the room is wonderfully comfortable), we were up at 07.30 to head to Cheltenham ParkRun. We usually do Rosliston when we’re at home, which has plenty of people that walk it, but Cheltenham seems to be much more run-focused – I finished 718th out of 723 people today. Regardless, it’s the taking part that counts.. right? The setting for the run was the grounds of Cheltenham Leisure Centre, and I honestly got a little buzz from seeing people up and about walking their dogs, playing tennis, playing football and so on. What more do you want on a Saturday morning? It’s so nice to get up and get active.
We’ll quickly gloss over the fact we had a McDonalds afterwards. Speak soon, yes? H x
Saturday 11th October 2025, 14.25
I’m sitting in the auditorium for The Times Debate, and almost every single person I’ve seen come in so far has said “sorry, can I just get by” as they try to get to their seats. Absolutely no reason to apologise, but we do anyway. God I love being British.
H x
Saturday 11th October 2025, 18:30
We’re having a cheeky drink in Spoons again before heading to my last event for the day, and a bloke just came and stood next to me in the urinals, which is immediately a red flag, and then proceeded to say to me “this is the worst smelling spoons toilets I’ve ever fucking been in”.
Help? H x
Sunday 12th October 2025, 11.10
We arrived in Cheltenham at around 09.30 this morning. I popped to Caffé Nero for an iced latte (skimmed milk, of course) and a Pan au Chocolat, and there were several people in there reading The Sunday Times, adding further evidence to my theory that Cheltenham is the best town in England. I left Carl to park the car and find something to do whilst I headed to the town hall for The Sunday Papers with Patrick Maguire, a review of today’s news stories and headlines.
Discussions amongst the panel ranged from the war in Gaza and the China spy scandal through to Paddington Bear being a cocaine addict and Prince Andrew being a greedy narcissist – I honestly cannot think of a better way to start your Sunday, and I wish I could do that every weekend.
The Times Debate yesterday was absolutely fascinating. It really reminded me that, despite our current challenges, which really are unbelievably significant and complex, we are an incredible country with a huge amount to be proud of and a lot to offer the world. The one part I wasn’t keen on at all was when Emma Duncan, a columnist for The Times, suggested that the solution to our weak economic growth was to rejoin the European Union, which got a huge round of applause. What happened to Brexit means Brexit?! Shocking.
Since Sir Jeremy Hunt was on the panel, afterwards I joined the line for his book signing and we had a quick chat. He asked what I do, and when I told him I work in procurement for my local council, he smiled and said, “Oh, how fantastic – procurement has so much potential.” A nice little ego boost to have the approval of a former Chancellor of the Exchequer.
I met Carl afterwards and we popped to Wetherspoons for a few drinks and some small plates. I honestly cannot overstate the extent to which I absolutely adore small plates – three different dishes for £14.99 is outstanding value, whilst simultaneously allowing you to enjoy a bit of variety.
We then went to an event titled Margaret Thatcher: The Legacy. Now, love her or loathe her, it’s hard to argue that she wasn’t completely fascinating, and the talk between two of her biographers was just as riveting as the woman herself. One of the authors, Tina Gaudoin, has written a book from a feminism-type perspective that focuses on Thatcher as a woman, and the unique challenges and advantages that she faced because of her gender, and it was so interesting to listen to because I’ve never really considered Thatcher from that perspective before. We see women in power nowadays and don’t even blink twice, yet just 50 years ago it was genuinely revolutionary for Thatcher to be elected leader of the Conservative Party. We really should try harder to take a broader perspective of these things as we’re slating Rachel from accounts for doing a shit job.
It was also another little ego boost when my question – “With the increasing polarisation of British politics, will there ever be a figure as transformative as Thatcher again?” – was selected first. Two questions selected in one weekend at the Cheltenham Literature Festival surely secures my status as an inquisitive intellectual? Anyway, both authors said yes, and Iain Dale even suggested you could argue that Farage has been as transformative as Thatcher, since he managed to almost single-handedly shift the overton window over several decades to make Brexit possible. I’m not sure I agree, but I’m glad my question was well received regardless.
After the talk, even Carl admitted he found it quite interesting, which I’m taking as a huge win. He and I popped to the shop to get some beers and a bottle of wine, before heading back to the room to drink and watch GoggleBox. Is that not the height of romance?
Now, Carl and I did have one further event booked today, Kate Bryan and David Shrigley: How to Art, but it’s not until 4pm, so we’ve decided to skip it and head home early. I will admit that the fact Hayley is cooking a Sunday Roast for around 3pm may have slightly influenced our decision.
On the whole, it’s been an utterly incredible couple of days. I’m completely gutted I can’t stay for the whole thing, and I’m already determined that I’ll do so next year if I can. It’s been so, so interesting, the atmosphere has been wonderful, and as cringey as this may sound, I felt right at home, and as though I’ve found somewhere I truly belong.
Until next year, Cheltenham. H x
