Friday 20th June 2025, 10:20. 

It’s a bit bloody warm at the moment. Can you imagine being one of those morons that still doesn’t believe in global warming? Just take a step outside old chap, that alone is enough to get a proper sweat on. 

I currently find myself sitting in the garden with Hayals. Neither of us are working today, because it’s Friday, it’s warm, and there’s an ongoing productivity crisis stifling economic growth, so blame it on one of those things, or all of them, I don’t really care. Hayley has spent much of the week tidying the garden and sorting the sheds out, so I sit out here when I can for some moral support. I’d love to help out, but unfortunately I’m a homosexual, so the best I can do is support from the sidelines. 

At work yesterday, I chaired an evaluation meeting. It was pretty standard stuff, and I sent my usual email assigning tasks and discussing next steps afterwards. Anyway, one of the Environmental Health Officers that was on the evaluating panel replied saying, and I quote this directly, “Dude, you have the best meeting style ever!”. What an awfully nice thing to go out of your way to say to someone – my rise to the top of the corporate ladder continues apace. 

I went for a coffee with Lana yesterday afternoon. Oh come off it, who works on a Thursday afternoon anymore? It was great to catch up, and it reminded me I’ve been far too neglectful of some of my wonderful friends lately. I won’t divulge the contents of our conversation, because it mainly involved slagging the rest of our friends off (we think Elia is particularly awful), but it was good to hear how well she’s doing and that she is still thoroughly enjoying life. We discussed the possibility of a group reunion (piss up) soon, so you can look forward to hearing all about that. 

Whilst we’re on the subject, I think I am due a proper piss up. It’s all well and good preaching about improved mental health, finding a better balance, taking better care of my body and all the rest of it, but sometimes you just need to go out and get fucked up. It might be time to give Jenny Fell a call. 

Speaking of taking better care of my body, Carl and I have started doing Parkrun most Saturday mornings. Well, we walk it instead of running, but we still complete the same distance as the rest of them, so it’s the same thing if you ask me. We go to the one at Rosliston Forestry Centre, and it’s such a fantastic way to start the day, meandering through a beautiful part of the National Forest, talking about everything and anything. I would highly recommend it if you’re looking for inspiration to get up off your fat arse. 

Apologies, that was quite mean. Your arse isn’t really fat – it is perfectly plump. 

I’m currently reading And How Does That Make You Feel? by Joshua Fletcher. It’s an amusing, insightful walkthrough of the nitty gritty of therapy, told from the therapist’s point of view. I would highly recommend it – it is a little bit worrying, but also mightily reassuring, to know that they’re just as messed up as the rest of us. 

I picked my bike up from the repair shop last week, so I’m hoping to get out cycling again soon. It had been there since September 2023, simply because I kept forgetting to pick it up, so the bloke wasn’t very happy with me. Don’t look at me like that – I’m a busy man! I’ve always enjoyed cycling, and it was my exercise of choice during lockdown in 2020, which is when I last managed to shift a significant amount of weight. Naturally, I am hoping I’ll be able to repeat that feat (ha) now I have it back. Well, either that or it will sit in the shed collecting cobwebs. Who knows – bike ride anyone? 

• What We Do in the Shadows is an excellent television programme and you should watch it as soon as you can 
• The United States of America should absolutely bomb the shit out of Iran, for the banter if not anything else 
• Rachel Reeves’ budget was a shower of shit and our country is absolutely fucked 
• I hate office chairs
• PureGym Uttoxeter is a shit hole 
• PureGym Kingsway (Derby) is quite decent 
• Couscous is the most underrated food item in the history of the world 

Life is a wonderful thing. I hope you enjoy your weekend.