Friday 7th March 2025, 08.05:
We’ve just stopped at Keele Services for a Starbucks (large skinny latte, obviously) and some Pain Au Chocolat’s from Waitrose. Did somebody say middle class? No? Fine, but I’m going to keep trying.
That’s right, it’s another Harold holiday blog! Two weekends in a row, aren’t you spoilt. A slightly more glamorous outing this time, as Elia and I are off to Vienna for the weekend. Whitby one week, Vienna the next – who says I’m not versatile?
Elia is driving us to Manchester Airport, which she was amazed to learn is only 60 miles away from us – she genuinely thought it was about the same distance from us as Stansted. As a reminder, this is probably the smartest woman I know, or at least I thought she was. Elia also likes to make sure we’re not late to things, so we left my house at 7am this morning, despite our flight being scheduled for 12.35. Believe it or not, that was actually a win for me – she wanted to leave at 6am originally. It’s going to be a long weekend.
I’m not too fussed though, as I’ll be heading straight for the Airport Lounge once we’re through security. Every cloud and all that. Speak soon! H x
Friday 7th March 2025, 09.25:
It literally took us 5 minutes to get through security, so we have plenty of time to kill in the lounge. I will just say, I’m not happy with the level of clientele they’ve allowed in here – some of them look awfully povvo. One couple are both drinking Carslberg Pilsner with their full English breakfasts?! I mean I respect it, but it’s not exactly lounge-worthy behaviour is it.
I’m also not particularly happy with the payment reference Ms Finocchio provided for her half of the lounge.
Rude?!
Catch you later. H x
Friday 7th March 2025, 18.25:
I’m writing a blog, Elia is “refining the itinerary for tomorrow”. I’m drinking a glass of white wine, Elia is drinking a glass of red wine. We’re sitting outside an Italian restaurant just around the corner from our apartment in the middle of Vienna, and to top it all off, I’ve broken my non-smoking streak (I haven’t had one since Christmas) and I’m sitting with a Marlboro Gold betwixt my fingers. I honestly don’t think it gets much better than this.
Vienna is stunning. We popped into the State Hall Library just before closing time, which was mesmerising – over 200,000 books, dating back as far as the 16th century, with the walls adorned with statues and art, and the ceiling complete with The Cupola Fresco. Simply magnificent.
Ah, dinner is here, must dash. H x
Saturday 8th March 2025, 07.50:
Good morning! I think you’ll be simultaneously shocked yet completely unsurprised to learn that, after dinner last night, Elia and I popped to the local convenience store for a few bits before immediately retiring to our apartment. If it wasn’t official already, it is now – my days of partying are well and truly over. I spent the evening reading On the Shortness of Life by Seneca and listening to Lady Gaga’s new album, whilst Elia spent the evening reading construction case law on her Surface Pro (she refuses to just call it a Surface – it has to be her Surface Pro) and playing scrabble on her phone against strangers on the internet. Now, can you honestly tell me that doesn’t sound like a fun night? You can? Oh. Well bollocks to you, I enjoyed it.
We have a packed itinerary today, starting with the Café Central, which is apparently steeped in history – a quick google shows that “In January 1913 alone, Josip Broz Tito, Sigmund Freud, and Stalin were patrons of the establishment”. That would certainly be an interesting threesome.
Ta ta for now. H x
Saturday 8th March 2025, 10.00:
We’re sitting in the central square of the Museum Quarter, waiting for the National Art Gallery to open. We’ve just been discussing Socrates, Plato and the importance of Ancient Greece in the formation of Modern Western Culture. After a period of brief silence, Elia turned to me and said “if you do get diarrhoea at any point, I have some Imodium in my bag”. Get yourself a woman who can do both.
H x
Saturday 8th March 2025, 12.40:
The art museum was absolutely incredible. Until today, I had always held the belief that, aside from perhaps the Japanese, it would be impossible to find a culture that did Imperialism with the brutality and pomposity of us Brits, but I have to admit that the House of Hapsburg definitely has us beat. I’ve read bits and bobs about their history before, but coming face to face with it in their seat of power has really shed new light on the meaning of Imperialism. Google Charles V, for example – one of the most powerful monarchs in global history, but simultaneously so inbred that he slobbered almost constantly and struggled to feed himself. Makes you feel slightly better about our current King Charles III, I suppose. Or not.
Empire and history aside, the art was simply magnificent. Rather than give you some pompous explanation, I’ll simply attach my favourite piece of the gallery below, along with its synopsis.
Persian Women 1597/99, by the Dutch painter Otto Van Veen (1556–1629): ‘Persian Women’ depicts them raising their skirts to mock their menfolk fleeing a battlefield. “Wither are you rushing so fast you biggest cowards in the world? Surely you cannot in your flight slink in here, whence you came forth!” Thus shamed, the men stop to face the enemy once more, and win a crushing victory
We’re sitting outside of a cute cafe now, Elia has had an iced latte and Tricolore (hummus, eggplant salad, tzatziki and bread), whilst I’ve had an Americano and two cigarettes. Did somebody say skinny queen? No? Jesus, tough crowd this week.
Right, time for my third. Ciao. H x
Saturday 8th March 2025, 18.10:
I am absolutely exhausted. I’ve done 23,000 steps today, and looked at, quite literally, thousands of pieces of art. My favourite of the day, somewhat unsurprisingly, was Male Nude by Ferdo Vesel, painted in 1888/89. Google it, it’s pretty much exactly what you’d think.
I don’t really have a lot to report because that is basically all we’ve done – black coffee, cigarettes, art museums, repeat. I genuinely can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon. We’ve been for dinner at the same Italian we went to last night (after 23,000 steps, I couldn’t be bothered to find anywhere different), and we’re now back at the apartment, trying not to fall asleep.
It will probably work in our favour that we’re now absolutely exhausted – Elia wants to catch the 07.45 train to Bratislava in the morning, so I’ll need a good night of sleep. Who said holidays were meant to be relaxing? H x
Sunday 9th March 2025, 07.45:
As our train to Bratislava pulls out of Vienna Central on this gorgeously fresh Sunday morning, I can’t help but feel as though we made a mistake by leaving the European Union. I’m joking, of course – Brexit means Brexit.
Unsurprisingly, the train is far nicer than anything you’d ever get in England, and there’s an abundance of seats to choose from, although I’d wager that’s likely because it’s still before 8am on a Sunday. We only have four hours in Bratislava, as we need to be back in Vienna by 3 o’clock to attend a tour of the Opera House we have booked, but Elia has managed to pack a full itinerary into that four hours, so I’m very much looking forward to it.
Check in later. H x
Sunday 9th March 2025, 08.55:
We’ve just arrived in Bratislava. My first action was to light a Marlboro Gold and book an Uber to The Blue Church, Elia’s was to Google “is it legal to be gay in Slovakia”. I suppose it’s quite sweet that she’s looking out for me?
H x
Sunday 9th March 2025, 12.15:
Well, can I be honest? Bratislava is a little bit boring. It’s a lot smaller than Vienna, so there isn’t as many big attractions to tick off, but it does still have its own charm about it. We’ve been to the Slovak National Gallery and Bratislava Castle, both of which were quite cool, but also a bit underwhelming – I think we’ve been spoiled by the Viennese. Anyway, we’re on the train back to Vienna to grab a spot of lunch before heading to the Opera House.
My favourite part about our brief excursion to the Slovakian capital? There was a Tesco Express opposite the train station – the sun never sets on the British Empire🇬🇧💂. H x
Sunday 9th March 2025, 17.55:
I may or may not have just woken up from a cheeky nap. Don’t judge me, spending all weekend with Elia is exhausting work.
After returning to Vienna, we took a relaxing stroll through the city before stopping for food at this gorgeous little Italian restaurant we found. I had Carbonara, which was to die for – are you detecting the theme here? – and Elia had something else, I can’t remember – it didn’t involve thinking or talking about myself, so I didn’t take any notice. I also had a bottle of sparkling water, as I’ve recently developed quite the taste for an ice cold glass of San Pellegrino, but they charged me €5.50 for it, so that undid all the good work they’d done with their stunning food.
After lunch, we took a guided tour of the State Opera House, which was everything you’d imagine for one of the most famous buildings in the world. The guide explained that the seven statues overlooking the main staircase are there to represent The Seven Arts, and that Emperor Franz Joseph I funded the entire opera house himself. I’m not sure which fact I enjoyed more.
Back to the nap – it was necessary because we’re going to watch a String Quartet Concerto at The Sala Terrena later on, which is apparently the oldest concert hall in Vienna and was played by Mozart himself in the late 18th century. I am unbelievably excited.
We’re flying very early tomorrow, so I might not have time to check in with you again before then, but I’ll check in when I can. H x
Sunday 9th March 2025, 21.40:
That was possibly the best experience of my life. Masterful.
I have nothing else I want to say.
