I find myself sitting on a stool by the window at Been Coffee, which is the closest thing I have to a local coffee shop. It’s located at Derby & Burton Service Station, just off the A50, so I can’t say the view from the aforementioned window is anything spectacular, but it seems to be a good spot for people watching, which is always a bonus. It is an independent coffee shop, which is important when you’re as pretentious as I am, and the staff know my order off by heart, which is a nice, if slightly worrying, touch. Perhaps you should join me here for a coffee sometime? 

As always, I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks, although I would hasten to add that this particular period of reflection has been significantly more introspective and fruitful than any that has come before it. Following the letter I wrote to my friends on 27th January, one of the things I have been considering is what it is that I actually want from my friendships. I know I have been writing about friendship a lot recently, so please forgive me, but I feel as though it is necessary considering the significance of the change in who I am and what I can offer to those around me. I have long accepted that my days of drinking and partying hard are long behind me (at least on a full-time basis), but I haven’t given much thought to what I want to replace them with, which I perhaps should have, considering that has historically made up a significant chunk of how I socialise with my friends. 

So, although I’m still not certain what I want from my friendships, I have developed a rough outline of what it is I think I want. First and foremost, I want – no, need – intellectual stimulation. Since I no longer seek to run and hide from my own thoughts, I find myself almost desperate to explore them, to analyse them from an infinite number of different angles, and to take them to innumerable different conclusions. I want friends who support me in this endeavour, friends that think critically and seek out knowledge, friends who take an interest in the subjects that I seek to examine, subjects that, in my opinion at least, serve as the basic building blocks of modern society; philosophy, history, political theory, religion, war, economics, literature, neuroscience, friendship, love. 

Secondly, I want friends that don’t make me feel like I have to wear the mask. Since becoming conscious of the extent to which I feel myself altering my behaviour to ensure my assimilation with those around me, I’ve also realised that there are people out there that have seen me without the mask, yet still love me just as much, and those are the friendships that I want to pursue, to build on, to strengthen and expand. After reading my letter a few weeks ago, one of my friends messaged me to say “I think I have seen glimpses of the real you, and I much prefer him”, a sentence which genuinely stopped me in my tracks. That, in a nutshell, is what I want from my friendships moving forward. 

Whilst we’re on the topic of authenticity, it has just dawned on me that I’m sitting in an independent coffee shop, with a skinny latte and a copy of Stoner by John Williams on the table next to me, whilst I write this blog on my MacBook Air. Dear god – have I accidentally become a massive bellend? 

I have tired of my previous subject now, so onwards we march to something a bit lighter, although still loosely related – I have decided to set myself a goal for 2025. I recently read The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton, a masterful book which reignited my passion for philosophy, but also, more importantly, introduced me to the life of Michel de Montaigne, a 16th century French philosopher famed for his Essais, who reportedly had a “tendency in his essays to digress into anecdotes and personal ruminations” – sound familiar? I have decided, therefore, to write my own Essays, which will be a collection of pieces discussing my thoughts on pretty much every topic you could imagine; currently I have started drafts discussing Modernity, Intelligence, Existentialism, Loneliness and Beauty, to name just a few. I recently purchased a copy of all three volumes of Montaigne’s essays to serve as inspiration, although they do run to 1,344 pages, so allow me to immediately assure you my Essays aren’t likely to be quite as wide-ranging and in-depth as Montaigne’s (although never say never). Nonetheless, his ability to consider, essentially, the very meaning of life, from a philosophical, but also uniquely human, point of view, will doubtless serve as a great influence on my attempts to replicate similar works – I shall keep you updated on my progress throughout the year. 

I am trying to think of something with slightly less intellectual heft (translation: less boring) to discuss with you, but my mind is drawing a blank. I haven’t been very busy socially because I am finding increasing joy in solitude, with my reading and writing taking up more and more of my time. I did go to Meadowhall in Sheffield for a spot of shopping with my friend Jordan yesterday, but the rudeness and, frankly, ugliness of the general public served as a stark reminder as to why I rarely venture out on such excursions nowadays. It has even gotten to the point where I was asleep in bed last night when my Mother returned from the pub, drunk with a Chinese. I’m certain that those roles should be the other way around? 

Regardless, life is so much fun at the minute, and it is truly amazing how much one can enjoy things when freed from the shackles of expectation and self-imposed restrictions on behaviour. It genuinely feels as though the possibilities are endless, and I’ve become so excited about the future that I’ve even taken the decision to save for a deposit to buy a house! Yes, me, the same person that left University with around £25,000 in credit card debt after enjoying a lifestyle usually only afforded to the children of minor aristocrats. Could you have imagined that, in the space of five years, I could go from the verge of suicide, to having thriving career prospects and owning my own home? If that doesn’t demonstrate to you the infinite possibilities that life can offer, I don’t know what will.

On that solemn but cheerful note, I shall leave you be. I hope you enjoy your Sunday as much as I am enjoying mine.

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