As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Until recently, I’ve always hated this saying – I thought it was cliche, unimaginative and, ultimately, untrue – but as I grow ever older and ever wiser, I am starting to think that I might, perhaps, have been wrong.
Think about everything you have in your life that you consider a good thing. It may be that you are very much in love with your partner, or you really enjoy your job, or you’ve got a fantastic group of friends – there are many things that can bring happiness into your life. Now, think about the permanence of them. Can you see yourself marrying your partner and being with them forever? Half of all marriages end in divorce, you know. Are you going to enjoy that job for another 40 years? They’ll probably promote Darren from accounts before you, even though you work much harder. How many of your current friends have been with you since the beginning, and how many do you think will be with you until the end? I hear that you haven’t been invited down the pub on Saturday even though everyone else has.
I’m attempting to make light of it, obviously, and apologies if this depresses you, but I only bring this up because a few months ago I lost a friend that I assumed would be by my side in perpetuum, and it has therefore recently dawned on me that certain things and people I assumed would be important & long lasting features of my life could, potentially, cease to be in my life at all, without much or any warning. Don’t worry, my friend didn’t die, they just decided that I’m a bit too much of a twat, but it got me thinking about the state of my relationships with my friends.
To begin with, as you might well imagine, this got me feeling a bit down. How is one supposed to go through life with any sense of security if one can never be sure that the people and structures that support them won’t suddenly stop doing so? How is one supposed to be happy and content in their friendships and relationships if you can never guarantee that one of you won’t suddenly fuck up and cause the complete disintgration of a bond you once considered almost sacrosanct?
Luckily, I am not the man I once was. Years ago, when I was still a young chap (the joke here, darling, is that I’m still only twenty three), an epiphany such as this would have sent me into a depressive spiral that would have taken months to dig myself out of. Fortunately, I have grown as a person since then, and below I will outline the conclusions I have managed to come to after just a few weeks of dwelling on it.
People grow up; they learn more about themselves, they develop new feelings, they find new hobbies, they become more mature and their interests realign. Yes, the person you’re standing next to at the bar ordering a pint for is the exact same person you’ve been friends with for years, but when you take a step back and think about everything that’s happened throughout those years, you realise that in actuality, they’re a completely different person altogether and so are you. This isn’t to say that if people change then your friendships are doomed, as most of the time you will still enjoy each other’s company, share mutual friends and indulge in similar hobbies & interests. However, it is to say that sometimes the changes will be so fundamental and irreconcilable that you may suddenly realise, as hard as it may be, that your friendship no longer works – it has become a prime example of a good thing that must come to an end.
However, one must not despair. Good things come to an end all of the time but the world keeps turning and the sun keeps shining. Old friendships may fade away and new uncertainties may emerge, but they’re just that – uncertainties. There’s nothing to say that, one day, you won’t realise the folly of calling time on something that was once so important to both of you. It’s a firm belief of mine that no one is on a set path and everything is possible, especially finding your way back to those you more than likely still care about a great deal. You spend your life evolving, learning and growing, and therefore what you know to be true one day might well appear to be obviously, unmistakably false the next.
On top of this, whilst knowing and accepting that all good things must come to an end, one must also remember that they have to begin at some point. Another cliche I vehemently despise springs to mine – as one door closes, another one opens. If you lose one job you’ll find another, better one. If you get bored of one hobby, you can go and find a new one that will prove much more interesting. If you lose one friend, no matter how indispensable they might once have seemed, you will find more friends, and you can impress them with the questionable amount of life experience you have accumulated for someone your age.
I suppose the point I’m making is that, whilst it’s entirely right that you allow yourself to be sad about losing things or people that you once relied on or were emotionally entwined with, one must remember that it’s not the end of the world. Life is fluid and ever-changing and the more I experience it, the more I start to believe that it’s a truly wonderful thing. I am genuinely sorry for the avalanche of cliches but life really is what you make of it. It doesn’t matter if you lose your house, job, car, family or friends (it does, of course, but just for the sake of argument) because all good things must come to an end and it is your job to go out and find some more good things to replace them. That is what keeps life exciting.
