I was thinking about myself the other day, as I often do, and I realised it’s been a while since my legions of loyal fans have had an update on what I’ve been up to, so I thought it best to indulge you and provide a good old fashioned blog. I’ve been focusing on reading a lot more and, as pretentious as it probably sounds, I’ve started writing a book, hence why I’ve been posting less on my website. To allay the concerns I assume you’ll have, I have no intention of trying to get the book published and I probably won’t even show it to anyone, it’s more of a project I’ve decided to undertake to prove to myself that I can do it and, now I’ve gotten started, I’m really enjoying the process and it’s giving me something to focus on. If you’d like to know what the book is going to be about, mind your own fucking business. 

I’ve started my new job at Paddy Power in the past few weeks and I’m really enjoying it. Due to COVID restrictions my induction was completed using a combination of Zoom calls and online learning, which proved to be a blessing in disguise as I feigned a dodgy connection to avoid having to participate in most of it. I already knew 95% of the information anyway, having worked at William Hill for a few years, so it was a relaxed few days for me and I managed to squeeze in some reading between calls. The shop is completely dead as customers seem to be reluctant to return to city centres after lockdown so I’ve spent the last few nights watching the golf and the cricket on the television behind the counter and picking out my bets for the next day, so it’s safe to say I can see myself being very happy at the company. I’ve deferred my masters degree for a year so my current plan is to get as many hours overtime in as I can over the next twelve months and just enjoy myself in the meantime. I don’t see any reason to rush into a career in the current economic environment. 

Oliver came down from Stockport to stay for a few nights this week which was actually rather nice and, as hard as it may be to believe for some of you, we managed to get through the entire five days without a single argument, which is extremely impressive for the two of us. There is obviously something special about him as he’s the only person I’ve stayed in touch with properly from University and he’s also the only person who can spend more than twenty four consecutive hours with me without punching me in the face. It’s a shame because, whilst we were in Hull together, we’d often come up with grand plans of things to do and places to visit once we’d graduated and COVID has annoyingly scuppered most of those, but it was still thoroughly enjoyable to spend a few days together watching shit TV, eating nice food and drinking far too much wine. It’s mildly strange having a friend from Uni come to stay because I’ve inhabited this part of the world for my entire life, whereas Oliver has only been a couple of times before on flying visits, so it was interesting to show him around the area I grew up in and get an outsider’s perspective on the Kingdom of the Inbreds. I can assure you he was extremely underwhelmed. 

I’m still unsure as to whether I should be utterly ashamed but we started watching Selling Sunset together and got through two seasons of it in just five days. It is absolute shit, it’s so obviously scripted and the women are all horrendously fake and conceited, yet all I found myself thinking was whether Christine and Crishell are ever going to be able to get over their harrowing argument at the pool party. Mary wasn’t even arsed about it and Davina was the one who instigated it, so why is it Christine who’s getting it in the neck? Honestly, I’m far too invested for my liking and so is Oliver, to the point where I think he might actually be slightly in love with at least three of them. As much as I love deep philosophical discussions and debating political ideology, sometimes it’s fun to watch a group of total bitches tear chunks out of each other whilst trying to sell million dollar homes to arrogant rich bastards. God bless American reality TV. 

Almost inevitably, we ate a lot more than we should have. We had lunch at The Roebuck on Monday and had two courses, we had Chinese takeaway on Tuesday evening and then we dined at The Winery on Wednesday evening, again having two courses. It’s no wonder I’m indebted up to my eyeballs when I spend such a terrifying amount of money on bloody food. In my defence, Oliver was the one who taught me to cook whilst I was living in Hull, so food has always occupied a pedestal in our friendship and it seemed only right that we indulge ourselves whilst he was here. My diet is in ruins but it’s fine because I’ll start again tomorrow, or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past week. If I’m fat again next time you see me then blame the mancunian. 

Other than food and TV we didn’t really do much else, largely because our options were very limited by the current circumstances. On Wednesday morning we took a walk around the grounds of Wollaton Hall in Nottingham, which was absolutely stunning, although most of the Hall itself was sadly closed due to COVID restrictions. Oliver and I are both keen amateur photographers (as much as I hate to admit it, he’s a lot better than I am) and we both very much appreciate the beauty of nature so it was a lovely way to spend a few hours. I think sometimes we are all guilty of failing to appreciate the hidden gems that surround us in this wonderful part of the country. Unfortunately Oliver forgot his camera so you will have to make do with the pictures that I took, which I’ll be uploading to my tumblr page in due course. Overall, even though we didn’t do much that can be considered overly exciting, it was delightful to spend a few days with someone who appreciates the same things as I and manages to engage my attention for an astoundingly impressive amount of time (I was still bored by day three but it’s better than most). 

As is only right, I have spent the rest of the week indulging myself further. On Friday afternoon i met my old friend Liam Smith at The Courtyard for lunch and, although, as usual, Liam had very little of interest to say, the pizza I had was utterly delectable. I jest, it had been a few weeks since I’d seen him and it was good to get him up to speed on what’s happening in my life. I think he did mention something about himself but I wasn’t listening. On Saturday, after we’d excelled ourselves at the driving range, I lunched at The Bell Inn with James Evans, where he informed me that he is buying a house this month. It’s a strange feeling to know that people my age are settling down and buying houses whilst I’m still working part time and drowning in credit card debt, but I’m delighted for him and it was nice to catch up. This afternoon I will be lunching with Adam Griffiths-Vernon at The Horseshoes and I’m hoping to get it over and done with as quickly as possible, largely because he does tend to go on a bit but also because he’s insufferable after more than an hour in his company. If you’d like an autograph signing or a picture taken then feel free to drop by. 

Anyway, I’m living my best life at the minute but I’ll try and be more active on here, I understand my absence must be difficult for you all. Stay safe.