Hello my darlings. How are we all? 

So this is my 11th week in isolation – 11 weeks in this strange bubble. I’ve seen people using lockdown to do all different sorts of things, it’s interesting to observe. I’ve been trying to use it to work on myself. I think with the everyday business of life it’s so easy to lose parts of yourself, or to forget to do things that make you happy – that make you yourself. 

I’ve always had this notion that I thrive off chaos? I seem to ALWAYS be doing something, working, thinking about work, planning something, holidays, weekends away, waiting for the next night out, next meal, the next event, planning outfits, wanting to travel elsewhere. My mind is constantly ticking over. Everything strategically planned out so I always know what I’m doing. The idea of having nothing to do has always been something that terrified me. I associate ‘not working’ for long periods of time as being at home, in bed, miserable, not wanting to speak to anyone and feeling like I want to die. Bit of a mood killer but that’s honestly the truth. I associated spending time off work with being extremely self deprecating, so I’ve been working on changing that. 

As stressful as this time has been (undoubtedly for everyone) there’s been something terribly calming about not having to do a number of things – not having my work phone to hand, endless messages to reply to, things to plan, not worrying about what I need to do day in day out.. FOMO.

One of the main causes of my anxiety. The fear of missing out. It seems fickle to think about in the middle of a pandemic but here we are, is anyone else dreading it coming back? When life goes back to ‘normal’ I’m dreading the feeling of seeing people doing things and wishing you were there. Why am I not there? Being as I’m privileged enough to be able to stay at home the only thing I have to miss out on is zoom quizzes.. and for the record.. being as I’m a wealth of knowledge, I fucking love quizzes. 

However, there are many positives I have taken from this time to myself. I feel I’ve learnt to appreciate certain things all over again which I really do hope continues when I’m out of house arrest. My vain ‘necessities’ in life have changed undoubtedly. Once you are stripped of artificial beauty, you really are faced with the situation of either accepting yourself for who you are or hating yourself,  I choose the latter! 

Hahahaha. I’M JOKING. Somehow, I  genuinely feel the most comfortable I have in a long time. It’s the first time in a few years I’ve looked at myself in the mirror without fake hair, lashes, nails etc (there is NOTHING wrong with these things, Revolax, don’t be sad. I still love you) and we don’t hate her! I actually feel okay? I don’t have anyone directly around me to compare myself too. Maybe the solution is staying indoors forever? Brilliant x 

I also have been appreciating things I wouldn’t normally take time out to do.. long walks, discovering new music, listening to old music, reading, photography, cooking, painting and becoming an interior DIY goddess. I also have been asking more questions (I know, I didn’t think I could be any nosier either) and educating myself on things more. 

I have a ring that I wear everyday on my finger, it’s beautiful and was given to me a few years ago, I was told it was my grandmothers who I dolefully never got to meet and I never thought to ask the history behind it. I was questioning my dad the other night about his family (I have a huge family, my parents are both one of 5) and we were speaking about his mum, she died when he was a teenager so I sadly don’t know much about her at all. I now know the following – she was an evacuee from Blackpool that was sent to live in Derby with her sister, then her parents house (my great grandparents) got blown up. She knew her mother kept all of her jewellery behind a brick in the wall in the fireplace, and they went back to look for it after their parents sadly passed away, despite the house being mainly destroyed – they found the jewellery still intact. The same very ring I wear on my finger everyday, yet I never knew the history behind it. It’s made something that was already sentimental to me so much more special. I’m so glad that I asked. 

So I’m here to tell you that maybe we should ask more questions, I’m slightly embarrassed that I didn’t know that information but I’ve always felt a little uncomfortable prying into someone’s life whom I’ve never actually met. The only way we will know where we come from is via our parents/grandparents and family and they aren’t going to be here forever.  

I have many more things I could rattle on to you about, but I shan’t steal Harry’s thunder. You know what he’s like. So I’ll leave you with the following:

1) Some of my beautiful scenic photos. If you haven’t already seen them on @elizabethleebowes feel free to follow, I might even accept the request. 

2) My lockdown motto – If you wake up in the morning and feel like parachuting off a building without the parachute, remember headphones in, Doja Cat on. Your day can only get better. 

Peace out my fellow rapscallions X