Hello. I’m Oliver. I’m under the impression that I’ve probably pissed a lot of people who might be reading this off. Unfortunately for you, I’m not here to apologise for that. I mean, I might, but that’s not the point of the piece. I was commissioned to give my honest and brutal opinion of this friendship that I have, or have had, with Mr. Tomlinson. I was even bumped up to the top of the queue. How does it feel knowing a prick like me has been pushed to the top? Pretty funny for me actually I won’t lie. I’ll try and keep this as brief but as insightful as possible.
Three words to describe him: Intense. Loyal. Cunt. I think that’ll suffice. It’s been an interesting two- and a-bit years. I genuinely struggled to begin writing this piece. I was asked to start writing it last Tuesday, and I didn’t actually start until Sunday night (sorry Harry mate I told you Saturday). I found it incredibly hard to sum him up. I still do. I hope what comes out comes out in the way I want it too. I’m not very good with this sort of shit.
A friendship with this man is like nothing I’ve had before. At the beginning, I was, and even to this day sometimes can be, overwhelmed. Texting, calls, socialising, gaming. At this point it might appear rather soft. “Those are pretty simplistic demands Oliver”. Well that’s not how I operate. I mean, it is, but not to his extent. I like my personal space and my alone time. It took Harry a good two years to fully understand that I think. He doesn’t like it, or understand why I like it, but that’s the way it is. There have been times where I’ve just wanted to tell him no when asked to do something. It’s soft as fuck, and I get shit for this sort of stuff back with friends in Manchester too. When I’ve said yes, the ensuing ten/fifteen minutes, or however long it goes on for, is a total shit-show. I piss him off, he pisses me off. We fall out and then rekindle in the next day or so. If I’ve learnt one thing: its that he values honesty more than pretty much anything else. And I’ve never been fully honest with him, from shit like that, right down to my personal life. For that I can only apologise to him. He deserves far better than the last two years of excuses and lack of effort on my part. Harry demands 110% from the right people. If you can’t give it to him, don’t drag him along. It’s fucking cruel.
This brings me onto my next point: loyalty. A few of you might be smirking at this point, or be rather confused. “This man goes through friends like there’s no tomorrow.” Correct. He does go through people at an alarming rate (pun fully intended). We’ve discussed why this is, and I understand now, but if you are the right person: you are given 110%. Frankly, he deserves 110% back, and if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve ever given him 100% (I don’t think I’ve given many, if any, people, 100% in all fairness). This begs the question: why am I still in his life? Especially given the cataclysmic fuck up on my part earlier this year. Even that is putting it lightly. I won’t be discussing that. That’s between me and Harry only, but the fact the man researched, paid for and organised that trip to Malta tells you everything you need to know about him. You’d have to ask Harry why I’m still here. I genuinely don’t know. He’s told me, but it makes no sense. I can only apologise to you mate. Your loyalty is genuinely admirable, and like nothing I’ve ever seen. And I’m sorry I don’t reciprocate it. I let you think for years the faults in the friendship came through your cuntiness, but it was me 95% of the time. You’ve improved me in a number of ways, ways in which I shan’t be listing (the specifics are none of the readers business), but they do deserve to know how fucking helpful and loyal you can be, as brief as that may have been.
Thirdly, cunt. Ok, it’s not a nice word, but that’s how he refers to himself, so I will too. Some of the things he comes out with are outrageous, but hearing some of the things some of his lot come out with, this is hardly surprising. Sometimes he will say things to me that are so reprehensible or bang out of order, or just don’t conform to social norms, but there’s not a lot you can do, there’s nothing that can prepare you for that. Some of his mentalities and traits (the list of discarded friends rings a bell?) are absolutely terrifying, but I’ve learned that for quite a bit of the time, he can just be misunderstood. If you can peel away the outer layer, you uncover, in actuality, a gentle and quite fragile human being, just like the rest of us. Ha. He won’t like me saying that, but he knows it’s true. Some of you probably do too. I like to think I’ve helped him in this regard, particularly in the first year of university. I told him to sit down and shut the fuck up one night when we had one of our earlier ‘disagreements’. “Nobody stands up to me like that. Ever.” he later remarked. What’s my point? He’s probably not that big of a cunt. I mean he is. But he isn’t. Do you understand where I’m coming from? We can’t take away from some of the morally bankrupt aspects, but look a little deeper yeah?
This isn’t some gigantic sob story. I’m not looking for sympathy. I don’t need it, nor want it. I know I’ve acted beyond the pale. My point is, I took the past two years for granted, like I absorbed all the effort that he would put in, have all the benefits and give nothing in return, knowing (correctly) he would appear the next day and do the same all over again. I don’t want it to be like that anymore.
Mind you, he did buy a BMW at 20. So, maybe all of what I’ve just said is bollocks?
Cheers.
Ox
