Two Beards One Harold
One dark, wintery night last week, I found myself hitting balls at Branston Driving Range with my good friend Charlie Beard. Charlie’s handicap is currently about 6, compared to a solid 29 for myself, so he is a far better golf player than I am. After playing off those handicaps in a virtual round of golf, I managed to beat him by seven shots, so who’s the real winner here? Well, probably still Charlie since I had a 23 shot advantage, but we’ll gloss over that.

After finishing at the range I headed over to the clubhouse for a gym session, where I met another member of the Beard family, Harry. We did a workout, followed by a relaxing sauna session and a catch up about what has been going on in our lives, before Harry promptly nearly passed out because he couldn’t hack the heat of the sauna. What a bitch.

Many of you will know how much I value the relationships I have formed with Sam Morris’ family, arguably to the point where Sam barely scrapes into my top five favourite members of his own family, and nights like that, spending time with two of my favourite people, serve as the perfect reminder why.

How to Resign and Still Get Free Wine
Thursday was a bit of a weird one. In the morning I had a meeting with my Director to inform him that I’ll be resigning my position, and in the evening I was out for Christmas Dinner with that same Director and the rest of my colleagues from the Birmingham Office. Hayley did actually say to me before I left for work, “Are you going to make sure he’s still ok with you going to the meal if you’re leaving?”, to which I politely said no, of course I’m not. It was already paid for, so it would have been rude not to go, right? Oh shut up.

Anyway, when I’m out and about, I sometimes make notes in my phone about moments I want to blog about later on, since I have the memory of a goldfish. Today, I’ve decided I am going to share those unedited notes with you, and talk you through the mind of Harold:

“Fell in love with be at one man (John Amex), guys obviously on it, bartenders on the bar, white girls with fiat 500s, awkward guy, stopped in Ladbrokes, horny people in the train station, won a chess game drunk, strangers on a train (stories untold)”

So, allow me to explain. I’ll go through in bullet points to make it a bit easier;

• There was an incredibly cute and very obviously homosexual twink working behind the bar at Be at One who was dancing and flirting with some middle aged women who appeared to be at their Christmas Party. If he can make cocktails and dance, what more do you want in a man?
• My Director, John, put the whole Christmas meal bill on his corporate American Express card (god I’m going to miss having a corporate AMEX), meaning I got a three-course meal, two pints and two large glasses of Sauvignon for nothing – not too bad considering I’d resigned nine hours before
• Two men in the bar were so blatantly coked up that it was genuinely hilarious – their jaws were in a different time zone to their faces
• Some of the bartenders climbed on the bar and started (attempted) to dance erotically. Unbelievably cringeworthy, although I wouldn’t have said no
• Half a dozen young white women were dancing so painfully awkwardly that I could only assume they all owned Fiat 500s and ponies
• Absolutely no idea who ‘awkward guy’ was
• I stopped in Ladbrokes on my way to the train station and lost £20 on Eye of Horus. Standard
• Absolutely no idea who was horny in a train station. What does that even mean?
• I played Chess on my phone whilst waiting for my train and managed to beat someone despite barely being able to actually see my screen. Come on, that’s pretty impressive?
• Again, absolutely no idea who strangers on a train refers to – surely everyone on the train was a stranger? ‘Stories Untold’ as well? You write a blog that your Mums Facebook friends read, Harry – you’re not Ernest fucking Hemingway

So there you go – a little insight into the mind of Harold on a night out.

Sunday Coffee Chronicles
I went for coffee with my bestie Elia on Sunday afternoon at my new favourite coffee place, Been Coffee. We caught up about the usual things, like work and the dogs, as well as the unusual, like the geopolitical situation in the Middle East following the overthrow of the Assad Government in Syria. I love the time I spend with Elia, because I genuinely cannot remember the last time we had anything close to resembling a dull conversation, although that likely has something to do with the fact we’re both mentally ill / clearly neurodivergent / completely erratic (delete as appropriate). Just as I spent Sunday morning the week prior enjoying coffee at Branston with my good friend Adam, spending Sunday afternoon enjoying coffee with my good friend Elia once again reminded me how lucky I am to be surrounded by such wonderful friends.