Where are your jobs?

I’m in the PureGym at Kingsway in Derby, and I’m astounded by how many people are here. Do none of these people have jobs? Why are they all free in the middle of the day? Obviously I’m an exception, but surely they should all be at work? No wonder this country is on its arse. 

A Masterclass in Mediocrity

I was scrolling through hinge last night and I’m amazed at the genericness of most homosexual men. I’ll list some of my favourite prompts below, with my critique; 

• “This year I want to… travel”. No shit. Who doesn’t? I can’t imagine you’d want to stay in the fucking Midlands for the next 12 months straight. 
• “Typical Sunday… hungover”. Oh you drink, do you? That’s really cool. I don’t know anyone else that drinks. 
• “I go crazy for… someone that makes an effort”. Jesus Christ, people. Is this how low we’re setting the bar nowadays? 

At least on Tinder they’re honest about being dull.

How to impress a Central Banker

Yesterday I attended a Strategy Board Meeting for the Fair Credit Charity, of which I’m a Trustee. The woman sitting to the left of me was the Head of Change & Strategy at The Bank of England, and the man sitting to my right was a former Member of Parliament, so I did wonder what on earth I was doing there. However, during a break in the meeting, Jo (the BofE lady) turned to me and asked “what does that tattoo mean?”, pointing at the one on my right arm which says “0% interest”. I then had to explain my infamous love affair with credit cards to an influential employee of this country’s own Central Bank, and then it dawned on me – like many other areas of my life, if I can’t provide anything useful, at least I can provide some comedic relief. 

Spotify Says Gay, Gym Says Gayer

P.S – Here’s my Spotify wrapped. I think I might be.. gay? 

P.P.S – Men should not be allowed to wear grey tracksuit bottoms at the gym. As if I’m not gay enough already.

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