It finally got me. COVID, that is. I’m only on day two of isolation and I am already questioning the entire philosophical basis on which I’ve arranged my current way of thinking. I won’t say beliefs, as that implies there is some deeper, spiritual aspect to my thoughts, which I can assure you there isn’t, but I do like to think I have some sort of coherent foundation to my theories. It could be complete bollocks though, couldn’t it? The quandaries of having far too much time on one’s hands. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I come across to those who don’t know me when I first introduce myself to them. Well, if you wanted to be blunt about it, there isn’t really much to consider, as I am regularly informed that I come across as a complete cock, but there is surely more to it than that. When I think about the experiences and situations that have shaped me into the person I am today, I struggle to comprehend how I am supposed to condense and explain them to someone new without writing them a book or sounding like a total nutcase. It also raises other questions, one of which I think about a lot – would I still be friends with the same people if I met them as the person I am now, not the person I used to be? As per usual with most of my thinking, these are questions that are impossible to answer, yet I still find them quite interesting to consider. In terms of explaining how I’ve become the person I am, the following is the best I have come up with as of yet – apologies for my personality, my Dad was a twat and I couldn’t afford therapy until my early 20’s. 

I might as well update you on what I’ve been up to. I’ve been going out and getting drunk a lot. Right, that’s that out of the way. 

I’ve decided to try and make some serious New Year’s resolutions this year, as even I am getting rather bored of my constant whining about the same things, largely being fat and bald. Admittedly, the latter is out of my control (well, at least until I have paid my debts off and can get another loan out to pay for the transplant), but the former is well within my control, so that’s first on my list. Although it will be delayed by a week or so because of my COVIDness, I will be starting a new training regime in the New Year to prepare for my half marathon in May, so that should hopefully help with my weight. I’ve also decided to do Dry January, both to help with my weight and save some money. I want to try and read at least two books a month throughout 2022, as there are plenty on my bookshelf that are collecting dust despite being unread, and I want to seriously cut down on my social media use (two detox’s using a Motorola Razr have helped but there is still a way to go). I may even get rid of Snapchat altogether – I’m twenty three next year, do I really still need it? So, here’s the long and short of it; lose weight, spend less, read more. Easy. 

I thought about including some sort of goal in terms of writing my book, but as I haven’t worked on it at all in about six months, I thought it might be wise to avoid that one. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I struggled with it a bit and now it seems so daunting to go back to it that I haven’t managed to pluck up the courage yet. You never know, 2022 might be the year I become a wildly successful published author. It might also be the year my Dad tells me he loves me. (Two Dad jokes in one blog – you don’t want to sound too desperate, do you? ed.) 

It’s becoming rather tiresome talking about Christmas. “Are you looking forward to it?” has been replaced with “Did you have a good one?” and my answer to both is the same – “No, I fucking hate Christmas”. It’s not that I dislike the holiday itself per se, it’s just that it focuses around family, and unfortunately that is something I tend to dislike. I understand that for a lot of people it’s a chance to spend time with relatives they rarely see and celebrate with gifts, but for me the only person who really matters that much is my darling mother, and I see her everyday anyway. I also think (cliche claxon) that much of Christmas, like almost everything else, has merely descended into a war for who can garner the most likes on social media because, with the greatest of respect, I’m not particularly arsed what presents you got or how much you miss your Great-Great Nanna’s second cousin. In all fairness, it’s not that bad, it’s just that for me it seems like a hugely unnecessary amount of time, money and effort is put into one day which essentially consists of drinking and eating a lot, which we all do all of the time anyway. Bah humbug. 

I’m sure you’ll be receiving another update before I escape isolation. For now, I leave you with this – Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis