Wednesday 25th August 2021
Hello. I’m sorry it’s been so long. Since starting my new job I seem to have got into a steady routine that, annoyingly, doesn’t leave much time for writing. I have also begun to passionately despise capitalism – I am genuinely finding it extremely difficult to adjust to working life, especially considering I’ve spent the last five years of my life doing pretty much nothing other than socialising. I know, woe is me, but although there are undoubtedly worse problems to have, I have a feeling it’s going to take some getting used to. Don’t feel too sorry for me though, I am enjoying working more than I thought I would and I would struggle to put into words just how satisfying it is not having to work evenings or weekends anymore.
Instead of working them, I’m spending my evenings and weekends seeing friends, as one might naturally expect from yours truly. I spent Monday evening with my old friend Liam Smith. We went on a wander to the nature reserve, where we did absolutely nothing that we shouldn’t have, before we settled in my living room to order a takeaway and watch the final round of The Northern Trust. After a lengthy delay because I got into an argument with the takeaway owner over the phone (don’t panic, I’ve already got a refund from Just Eat), I eventually demolished a 14” pepperoni pizza with a large chips, as well as some haribos, some M&M’s and some ice cream. I suppose you could say the diet is going quite well. I like spending time with Liam – we often just sit in silence doing whatever it is we’re doing, and I like that, I think it’s nice when you can be that comfortable in someone else’s company. What better way to spend a Monday evening than watching golf with your best pal, eating a pepperoni pizza and completely gorming out? Exactly.
I’ve started playing golf at least once a week, so on Tuesday evening I played nine holes at Branston with my dear Mr Lewis Bull. I like playing with Lewis because, although he is a complete and utter sweat bag, I actually enjoy the discussions we have about how we’re trying to improve our game. I’m still pretty shit, but I’m a lot less shit than I was and it is extremely rewarding to see the improvement in my game. I’ve gone from shooting 70+ everytime I play the nine to consistently shooting under 50, so although there is still plenty of work to do, I am feeling really good about my game and thoroughly enjoying playing regularly after work. A full time job, golf once a week and a receding hairline – I’ve hit middle age at twenty fucking two.
I had my darling Kiera over for dinner tonight. I don’t make anywhere near enough time for Kiera, she’s one of my favourite people and I always feel happier after spending a few hours with her, so it was lovely to see her after what feels like forever. I cooked creamy tomato pasta with chicken, which was as delectable as you’d expect, and then we sat watching TikToks and talking shit. What I love about Kiera is the way she is more like a family member than a friend – she lets herself in the house, offers everyone a cup of tea and then sits talking absolute bollocks with my Mum for twenty minutes. I love all of my friends but I especially love friends like Kiera, who know that my house is their house too. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being soppy because I’m exhausted (I was up at half past five to go to the gym before work), but it makes me happy that I have friends like this, who feel as comfortable in my house as they do in their own.
Monday 30th August 2021
I tell you what, it’s bloody nice having bank holidays off. Anyway, allow me to continue with my ramblings. I did fuck all on Thursday or Friday. My debt has now reached such a point where I am actually restricting my social activities in order to try and save money. It is extremely offensive and borderline homophobic that, at the age of twenty two, my socialite status is being forcibly stripped from me by those bastards who allowed me to borrow from them in the first place, but there we are. It wasn’t all that bad, I got a takeaway with Hayals and watched the golf. I imagine it is times like that when having a boyfriend would be handy, just to have someone to spend time with doing nothing, but since I can’t afford to buy one of those I’ll have to make do on my own. I suppose I could offer myself to someone emotionally to try and find someone to spend time with, but quite frankly I think I’d rather die.
On Saturday I went out with Chloe and Lois, some of my new friends from work. It feels weird making new friends, I don’t think I’ve made any new friends since I started University in 2017 and I forgot about most of those the moment I left Hull last year anyway. I know it sounds silly because I’m so laid back and easy to get on with, but making friends is difficult for someone like me, largely because I just tend to intimidate everyone I meet with my sheer force of personality. Anyway, we had a great day – Lois is a lesbian and Chloe is really fucking stupid so there were some issues there, but we managed to overcome them and get absolutely shitfaced. Chloe actually forced us to take a detour to Wetherspoons because they take payment from Paypal Credit, so you can figure out for yourselves why we’ve hit it off. Apart from accidentally setting fire to a bottle of hand sanitizer in turtle bay we got through the day relatively scot free and, thanks to bottomless brunch leaving me absolutely wrecked before it even hit 2pm, I didn’t even spend that much money, although I did fall into Paddy Power after the huns had left Derby to ‘say hello’ and ended up losing £50 on bingo and roulette. Old habits die hard. I ended the night throwing up a Chinese and passing out on my bed, which is always the sign of a good day out, right?
I didn’t really do much yesterday, it’s just nice to have my weekends to myself after spending years working them. I watched a film, The Talented Mr Ripley, which starred young Matt Damon & Jude Law, so I spent most of the afternoon slobbering at my TV screen. I went out for dinner with my family in the evening to celebrate my Nan’s birthday, which was about as exciting as it sounds, and then retired to my room to watch DeChambeau and Cantlay battle it out for the BMW Championship. I won a cheeky little bet, which was the first I’d won in a while, and I got the satisfaction of seeing Bryson lose a play off, so it was definitely worth staying up for.
Today is the first bank holiday I’ve had off in god knows how long and, although I haven’t really done anything that noteable, I’ve quite enjoyed it. I went to the gym this morning, which isn’t very thrilling but always makes me feel good, followed by nine holes at Branston with my beautiful friend Sam Morris. Despite the fact that we are best pals I don’t actually see much of Sam, probably because we’d just fall out if we saw each other any more than a few hours a week, so it was nice to catch up with him and hear what he’s been up to, which was the same thing he’s always up to – drinking heavily and being a massive twat. I beat my personal best on the nine hole by one shot despite not playing what I know is my best, so that made me feel good, as did the fact that Sam shot five more than I did. Then this afternoon I went into Derby with Mum and Donna for a bit of bank holiday shopping and a coffee. I found some nice t-shirts in a charity shop and Mum bought me a coffee, so that was a few hours very well spent. I cooked dinner this evening and then sat down to finish writing this bag of shit.
I know it’s only been a few months but life seems to have settled down since I started working full time and I kind of like it. I have no doubt, however, that once I figure out a way to ramp up my spending again, it will return to its usual debauchery. Anyway, I hope you’re all well.
