Hellooooo everyone
If you are reading this, I have been deemed worthy enough to have this piece posted on Harry’s blog. Not really much of an accomplishment, let’s face it. Didn’t even realise most of Harry’s friends could read to be honest.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve ended up writing this post the night before Harry’s due date. I haven’t a clue what to write about and, if anything, I have less of a clue now that I’ve left it until tonight. I didn’t want to write about lockdown, so instead I’ve decided to write about a cheerier topic that isn’t talked about much and, which is (my) experiences with aspects of women’s healthcare.
I have never had much luck going to healthcare practitioners to talk about my mental health. In fact, I feel incredibly stupid going to talk about it, because when you’re a teenager asking for help, you don’t get taken seriously. This may be because they feel that you’re ‘too sensitive’, ‘overreacting’, or ‘just going through puberty – it’ll pass’ etc, but why should that make the feelings you genuinely have and can’t understand any less valid?
I realised (myself) that I got these horrific mood swings and feelings most often before my period because when I went on birth control they stopped happening, but when that birth control also caused periods that last 3 months and I considered coming off birth control at the expense of my mental health, I had to convince two different doctors to please send me for further tests to check something wasn’t wrong with my periods. It also took three different doctors to clearly interpret the results of said tests. After the first doctor told me something was wrong, I was asked to request further tests. The second doctor, at the second appointment, told me I was making it up, and then gave me an incredibly invasive exam that I came out of in tears. The third doctor, a year later, told me it was all fine. When the end result is okay and reassuring, why am I made to feel guilty for having asked for help in the first place?
When I talked about my situation, a doctor told me I was just going to have to pick and choose. Pick between horrible periods or horrible mood swings. I’m now off birth control and on antidepressants – things still get incredibly intense before a period (sorry to anyone that has seen me in that state lol) and yet I am still made to believe this is normal. I felt, and still feel, like I’m wasting the time of the healthcare system by asking genuine questions and wanting the best for myself.
I’m also going through a healthcare situation right now. An appointment I had was recently changed to a phone call, which was fine, because of the pandemic. In that appointment, I would have come out knowing what (if anything) was wrong and what could have been done to fix it. Instead, I got a call lasting under a minute quick-firing questions that they should already have the answer to. I didn’t see the point in the call, other than to stall until they can give me an appointment, which I’ve still not heard about (I’ve tried calling). This doesn’t stall or reassure my fear and worry about the situation I’ve found myself in.
I desperately don’t want this to come across as ‘woe is me’ or that I hate doctors, because, obviously, I don’t. Just look at what they’re putting themselves through at the minute. I just wish stuff was funded better and that some people were more reassuring, especially when patients might be going through these worries and emotions. I don’t want to kick up a fuss, but like I said before, why do I feel guilty for asking for some tests to find out if the breast lump I found is something to worry about? But the circumstances are different currently, I guess. I know many people that have had great experiences with healthcare, and others not so much. I now have an amazing experience every time I go to see some healthcare workers, and ones I know to avoid in future.
I guess the point of the piece is to not feel guilty about these things and go and see someone about things that are worrying you. Putting this all out on paper and into perspective has made me realise how fucked some aspects are, and that my queries are completely valid. Your feelings are valid. Maybe it’s just coming across the right individual to take that seriously. But is that the way it should be?
Thanks for the cheery reading into my thoughts!! Hope you all are staying safe and well.
Also, thanks Harry for the outlet; it helped me to find perspective. Which you help me with a lot anyways. I’m so glad the blog is going great for you, who knew you’d be so great at this (other than yourself, obviously – is there anything you don’t think you’re good at???).
Males and females of the blog – sign up for monthly reminders to check your lumps and bumps!!! It’s obviously very important https://coppafeel.org/remind-me/remind-me-sms/
Also, sign this petition for justice for George Floyd – your voices are needed. https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd
And, if you are in a position to donate, please please do – we need to use our privilege to recognize and call out the injustices happening to black people. Fuck being neutral and not speaking up. These are people’s lives and have been for far far too long.
https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/
https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
